The Beast Within

Well, the past few days I've been very irritable. Today has definitely been the worst. I know it's a combination of anxiety/stress about baby #3 coming in a few weeks and dealing with two headstrong little men every day. I'm seriously lacking in the patience department and have been raising my voice a bit too much. Today I even stopped at a drive thru to get a Coke. COKE. I don't drink coke when I'm pregnant. Well, today I did. Now the baby is doing flips inside my belly -- STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! A fetus does not need caffeine!!!!! SHEESH. I hate hormones. I need to banish that beastly part of me...but not sure how. I know I'll be even more stressed out once the baby comes and I'm not sleeping AT ALL. I don't want my kids to have memories of being afraid of mommy because she is psycho. I know this is a depressing topic...and I've actually been avoiding posting a blog about it because it is so depressing. But not all blogs have to be happy and upbeat do they? I mean, this is real life - REAL life. Not fantasy land where everyone is happy and perfect all the time. Some days just suck and you wake up the next day and try to make it better than the last. I'm just feeling like there are so many loose ends that need to be tied up before the baby is born so that life will run smoother for us. Making a list of what needs to be done can sometimes add to the stress, but for me it actually helps me prioritize and sometimes if I leave the list lying around, Brad will see something on it that he can do and he helps out. Brad is great at helping out, and I am so lucky to have him. Ok so this is just basically rambling but that's about all I'm capable of right now. I should be trying to finish the book for this month's book club meeting tonight...but I have about 200 pages left, so I kind of feel like it's not worth trying. Well...maybe it is. It will let me escape reality for a little while. Joshy's taking a nap and Jakob is watching his "big kid" cartoons. I think it's ok to leave the TV on for an hour or two this afternoon...don't you? Maybe if I let the beast (my selfish-impatient side) have some of what it wants (ME time) then it will be quiet for a while. Let's keep our fingers crossed.


Jennifer B. said...

You are bringing your boys to my house for a playdate.

That's an order!

P.S. You are SO normal, and don't worry because you are right--this will pass.

Ali Jones said...

Its good to see the real side of life in blogs sometimes. I feel the same way somedays, except I only have one to deal with not 2 going on 3. Hope your day is better tomorrow. And I think turning the TV on for a little is just great!

Carrielyn said...

I can totally relate. Today I totally flipped on Evan for something he had no control over (unless he has mental ablities you read about in comic books that is). THEN when he got all teary, I flipped AGAIN and told him to go to his room if he was going to cry like a baby.

About 3 minutes later, I was laying on the floor in his room with him trying to explain the ever so complex concept of taking your frustrations out on someone else and begging for forgiveness.

I can't imagine two... with a third on the way.