I mean it this time

I've been talking a big talk for a long while now...about how I really want to lose weight, NEED to lose weight for myriad of reasons...

1) for my HEALTH

2) because I want another BABY

3) to FEEL better

4) to have more ENERGY

yada yada yada

I'm sure many of you can relate.

Well, my issue has never really been exercise because I actually LIKE to exercise.  But my issue has always been eating.

Eating TOO MUCH

Eating for the WRONG reasons

Eating the WRONG FOOD

Over the past few years I had developed some really bad habits.  And we all know that breaking bad habits is very hard to do!

BUT...  but but but but but!  I am DOING IT.

I have been following a handful of VERY inspirational people on Instagram who share their journey to health and weightloss with the world.  One in particular would say things in such a way that I seriously felt like she was READING MY MIND.  Like she knew EXACTLY how I felt about food, about my body, about MYSELF.  It didn't take long for me to take to heart what she was saying or rather what she was SHOWING ME ABOUT MYSELF, and my desire to change became something I thought about every day.

But I still wasn't being smart about what I ate, or how much I ate, or anything!  Then she posted an invitation to join her support group and I jumped at the chance!

So the way it works is we have to track everything we eat and our exercise (I'm using MyFitnessPal) and she sends us emails twice a day - morning and night.  She shares her own experiences and is helping us change how we think about food -- teaching us to be aware of WHY we are eating and helping us make better choices.  She also issues challenges to us and asks that we write back answering various questions -- really digging deep into ourselves.

WOW is it emotionally draining, but so therapeutic!  This past week has had lots of ups and downs, lots of tears, lots of "I don't know if I can do this!" moments, but ultimately lots of successes.  I never thought it would be so emotional for me or mentally exhausting re-training my brain to THINK about every bit of food that goes into my mouth -- and tracking everything.  It has been eye opening to see how many calories/fat/sugars I eat.

It is WORKING.

At this point I'm not going to share numbers details -- because it isn't the number on the scale that means the most to me.  But I will share the fact that I have already started losing.

It is so wonderful to me to discover that I CAN DO IT!  In the past, I've lost weight but not really because I was trying very hard to eat healthy -- it's usually been because I was nursing and exercising a lot.  It's about time for me to finally show myself the respect I deserve and love myself enough to live a healthy life!

I've had so many thoughts and feelings over the past week and I kept toying with writing in a journal, but let's be honest, I type much faster -- AND posting to the world (my dear friends and family) helps with my accountability.  And if what I share here helps even ONE person, then I will be so happy!

Thanks for reading!